All Your Questions Answered

Adults and children alike all like to talk to pregnant women about their pregnancy. There are several standard questions:

"When are you due?" - This is actually very preferable to taking a guess. I've had one person ask if I was due in December (I'm due at end of March - but babies come when they come...) and one person ask if I was 7 months along when I was only 5. Then they try to recover their fumble by telling me how small I am. I assume this is supposed to mean that my small frame makes my belly look comparatively huge. Ummmm, please just stop talking.

"Are you excited?" - What if I said, no? Wouldn't that be awkward? (I am excited, for the record. I just think it's a weird thing to ask.)

"How are you feeling?" - I keep imagining these people are sadists who want to hear of my agony. Morning sickness, sleeplessness, aches and pains, swelling, etc. Too bad for them I'm in the good part right now.

"Is it a girl or a boy." - There are two other woman due around the same time as I am where I work and they both know the gender of their bumps, so people can feel confident by this point that I could know. But I don't. I don't want to. I like the joy of waiting to meet my baby until I can meet my baby. Until then I will know him or her through the way he or she chooses to interact with me - like by using my bladder as a trampoline and throwing late night raves.
I did learn during my first pregnancy that I need to explain that I am not finding out. I had a high-schooler in a class I was subbing for get really offended because she thought I knew the gender and just wasn't telling.

"Have you thought of any baby names?" - Not knowing the gender does curb the occurrence of this question, but I still get it. Yesterday I answered one of my students with a laconic, "Yes." Again, I don't want to offend, but this is something I'm not that in to sharing.
At first I thought she was a little hurt and I was going to explain that I'm just not telling anyone when she said, "Oh, I get it. It's like when my parents were getting me my very own dog and I got to pick out the name and I told my sister what I wanted to name it and she told the maid and my mom and dad and then everybody told me the names they came up with that they thought were better."
Very insightful for a fifth-grader. It's just like that.

And less frequently:

"Have you had any cravings?" - Yes. Brains. (At some point I get a little tired of pregnancy questions.)

"Where are you having the baby?" - At home. But my choice to birth at home is in no way a judgment on where you birthed or will birth your babies. And now that you think I am a crazy person maybe we can talk about something else.