Jokes

My father-in-law loved puns and corny jokes. I also love puns, so I was delighted to know someone else who didn't think all puns are groan-worthy. (They were good enough for Shakespeare...)

In honor of my father-in-law I am sharing my favorite pun and some science jokes (he was a physicist). Please add your jokes in the comments.

This guy entered ten puns in a pun competition thinking that at least one of them would win. But, no-pun-in-ten-did.

One atom said to another, "Oh no! I think I've lost an electron!"

The other atom said, "Are you sure?"

The first atom said, "Yeah, I'm positive."

Heisenberg got pulled over by a police officer. The officer asked him, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No," Answered Heisenberg. "But I know where I am."

That's all for now. Please tell me your jokes!

My New Diet

It seems to me that you can find information out there supporting almost any diet. "Fat is bad, only eat stuff without it." "No, fat is good, sugar will kill you." "Actually vegan is the way to go."

One of the new dieting fads I have noticed recently is "primal," which sounds a lot like the "low carb" fads of recent years with a new, old name. From what I have gathered, in my little to no research, this diet involves eating a lot of meat because that's what cave men did.

Here's the thing: ancient man practiced endurance hunting. Sure, his diet may have consisted mainly of meat, but he had to follow it around for three days and wait for it to die of exhaustion before he got to eat it. Unless you are also endurance hunting your bacon, I doubt that is the only thing you should be eating.

In all fairness, I know that what is more at the root of these diets is the idea that eating a ton of grains isn't as good for you as everyone used to think. Well, that's probably true. Farming is also hard work. If you haven't grown the grain and harvested the grain and ground the grain, maybe you should give more of that bread to the little red hen.

What we all really need isn't a new fad diet. It's more exercise.

But since they are so popular I think I will start my own diet anyway: The Apollonian Diet.

Everything in moderation.

Future

This comic reminded me of something that happened in one of my classes last week before the snow shut down the entire state of Georgia.

I teach 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade classes when they come to the library. The 5th graders have been the most challenging to keep engaged and on task. The 4th graders are practically always angels, or at least good natured about whatever little mischief they get into. And the 3rd graders vacillate between the two.

Most days I see one to three classes that all belong to the same grade, but there is one day of the rotation that I see two 5th grade classes, followed by a 4th grade class. I really, really love this 4th grade class. At first I thought they just seemed extra great by comparison, but, no, really, they are sweet hearts.

Last week, when I had this class, however, they were being uncharacteristically difficult to teach. Silly, not bad, but it was still hard to get through the lesson. I finally told them, "Look, you are my moment of zen after those 5th grade classes!"

One of the students looked at me and said, "But we're just future 5th graders."

Say it ain't so.

Ball

Who knew a balance ball could be so useful?

I purchased my balance ball when I was pregnant with Virginia. My midwife was afraid the baby might turn "sunny side up" (facing front instead of back) and said sitting on a ball would help the baby to rotate the correct way. I put the ball in front of the desk in my room instead of a desk chair and left it there until after Virginia was born. Sitting on the ball also helped relieve some of the swelling I developed at the end of my pregnancy that got pretty uncomfortable if I sat on nearly any other surface.

During labor I spent some time sitting on the ball as well. I mostly labored in a birthing pool, but I needed somewhere else comfortable to be while the pool was filling up!

After Virginia was born I did actually do some of the exercises that came with the ball, and occasionally I still do. Laying on my back on a hard surface usually doesn't end well, so the ball turns out to be a much better way for me to do crunches.

And Virginia uses the ball, too! Her therapist showed me exercises Virginia can do sitting on the ball to help her torticollis. Holding her firmly I lean her over to one side so she uses the muscles on her other side to keep herself upright. We usually do this while watching Muppet videos on YouTube.

Now that Virginia is on the verge of walking, she has also gotten pretty good at holding onto the ball and standing. She loudly exclaims, "Ball!" as she approaches it. The ball doesn't stay still like so many of the other things she holds on to, but I think that helps develop her balance.

This may actually be the most well used thing I have ever purchased. Balance balls: good for momma's and babies!

Amazing Things That Happened in 2010

• I got to spend 8 months at home with my new baby!
• I got my dream job
• John and I moved into our own apartment
• I got my first paying storytelling gig
• John got a new job working from home
• Virginia turned 1

2008 and 2009 were years filled with huge changes, marriage, a move to England, a move back to the US, the birth of our first baby...

2010 actually had a slower pace than the previous years. It was a year of my life coming together. I am very happy.