Easter

Easter hasn't always been the best holiday for me. Amanda and I learned that our parents were getting divorced on Easter, so for years the holiday had that unfortunate connection for us. (Not trying to make you feel guilty, parents. There is never a good time for some things.)

This Easter certainly had the potential to also be pretty crappy since I had surgery on Friday and have spent the holiday recovering. But, Virginia is an Easter-saver. In fact, she has been turning around Easter since before she was born.

As we were driving to Dacula yesterday I reminded John of how we were driving on a deserted one lane road two years ago on Easter. We were on our way to see one of the many castles we visited in Wales. The road was deserted because it was Easter morning. And thank goodness! because there wasn't enough room on the road for more cars. That was also the day I told my mom she was going to be a grandmother.

This Easter Virginia brightened everyone's weekend by being amazingly cute.






I love this baby!

Words

Virginia is going through a mental growth spurt and says just about a new word a day. Of course sometimes her "new" words are words she has been saying for a while but were hard to distinguish from baby babbel without context, like "wubu" (I love you) and "Sah tee" (Socrates - our cat).

One of the reasons Virginia is learning so many new words is that she has started pointing to things and saying "wassis?" (what's this?). I try to always answer with one simple, clear, word so she can keep naming all the things in her universe.

A few days ago I was wearing a shirt I had purchased at the Athens human rights festival. It has "om" written in the middle of the design.



I told her "om." She said "om!" Then I chanted it. "Ooooommmmm," she said. Then she touched my shirt and said it. Not only did she learn a new word, but she can read it. Yeah, it's not English, but I think it's pretty cool the first word she read was in Sanskrit. Maybe I'll teach her "haum" next.

Running

For all of my K-12 experience running was my least favorite thing to do in PE. Every year running the mile was one of the body tests the PE teacher wanted you to do and we usually did it more than once since we had to practice before the test. I remember that we wouldn't pass if we took longer than 15 minutes. (The average person can walk a 15 minute mile.) I usually clocked in around 11 minutes. Cutting it a little close.

My problem was that I would get a terrible stitch in my side. The teacher said if we regulated our breathing we wouldn't get cramps like that. I would try to breath in for four steps and out for four steps, which did keep me from getting a cramp. BUT it also made me feel like I was suffocating. Seriously, I didn't feel like I was getting enough air. Now, I knew this was probably not true since I wasn't blacking out, but it was a hard feeling to endure.

By high school I was disciplined enough to run slowly enough that I could keep running for the whole mile and not have to walk. I would have to regulate my breathing so I wouldn't get a cramp and I still felt like I was suffocating, but I could do it for a mile.

After I graduated from high school I didn't think I would ever run a mile again. I took tennis as my PE in college.

But then a funny thing happened. I realized that I needed to exercise. Gym memberships cost money and the workout room at my apartment complex was open pretty much the same hours I was at work. You can walk out your front door and run. No equipment required. So I gave it another shot.

I really started running while I was living in Athens next to the library (where I also worked). There was a school across the street and I used their track when there weren't any sports going on. I listened to audio books while I ran. My goal was to stay out there for 30 minutes. I ran the first mile, then alternated running and walking for the rest of the 30 minutes. After a couple of weeks I could run a mile and a lap, then a mile and a half, then two miles.

Soon, I was getting tired of running so many laps, so I started running in the neighborhoods, creating longer and longer paths as I got better at running. Speed was never a concern of mine, I just wanted to run. So after I could run the whole 30 minutes, I just started running longer.

I was able to do a good bit of running in England, but pregnancy and motherhood have caused me to seriously cut back. However, this past weekend I was glad to see that it shouldn't be too hard for me to pick it back up. Without training, I ran a 5k. I ran the whole time. I didn't run fast, but I never had to walk. Considering that running used to make me feel like I was dying and I haven't run over three miles since before Virginia was born, I think that's pretty good.

I've started to think of running as the purest form of exercise. As I mentioned in an earlier post, ancient man practiced endurance hunting. We are built not to outrun the fastest animals, but outlast them. We can run and run and run. I don't know if I'll ever win any races, but I'd like to keep adding miles onto my personal top distance. I'd like to be able to step out my front door, start running, and really go somewhere. It is beautiful and it is what my body was built to do.



Me in my cold-weather running gear in England.

I Hear You

As a librarian, I often have a swarm of children following me around saying "Mrs. Nelson! Mrs. Nelson!" even when they can see that I am helping another student. Helping each of my students is important to me but I generally have to do so one at a time. I've tried telling the students yelling out my name that I am helping someone else, I'll be with them in a minute. I've tried saying "I'll be right there" or "Head in that direction and I'll catch up." But often they just go back to following me around, calling my name, and demanding immediate, undivided attention.

I have found the magic phrase: "I hear you." Not uttered in an exasperated or sarcastic way like "Of course I hear you, you have said my name ten times at the top of your voice." But just a calm, "I hear you." You do have my attention and you will get the help you need.

It is simple and beautiful and it helps me remember that these children aren't really impatient. They just want to be heard.


Copyright Science Photo Library

Don't Diss Your Significant Other's Kids

As an "adult" I am finding myself more and more in a position where I am listening to other "adults" talk about dating or being married to people who have children from a previous marriage. In two instances recently these "adults" have complained about their significant other's children. This is very difficult for me because I know what it is like to be that child.

My father got remarried immediately after my parent's divorce. Throughout the years I did and did not get along with my stepmother and I'm sure that some of the complaints my friends have about their significant other's children are complaints she could have had about me.

So let me offer you some perspective. First and foremost (if you are in this position): YOU ARE THE ADULT. However complicated this child makes your life. However much you may think this person is being a tiny jerk, you have the responsibility to act like an adult about it. It is hard to work through your emotions when you are a child. It is hard to have divorced parents. That tiny jerk is going through a lot. It makes your relationship with that child's parent hard? So what? That's what you signed up for when you started dating someone with kids. You are the adult. So act like one.

One of my friends complained that her boyfriend's 16 year old daughter blames her for her parent's divorce. Another person, who was part of this conversation, said that perhaps the girl's mother encouraged this belief. Why even go down that road? You know what? She probably does blame you. And let me tell you why. Her life has been turned upside down. She wants to blame someone. The two people who are to blame are her parents. She loves them. She doesn't want to blame them. So she blames you. Be an adult and get over it.

This doesn't mean the kid gets to call all the shots. It doesn't mean the parent shouldn't try to work with the child on being more pleasant. It just means that you need to be patient, respectful, and loving. You're an adult. I promise you can do it.

You know that whole golden rule about treat others as you want to be treated? Well, treat other people's kids the way you want your kids to be treated. If adults in these situations thought like that for even one second, I doubt they would be able to be so harsh.