Don't Diss Your Significant Other's Kids

As an "adult" I am finding myself more and more in a position where I am listening to other "adults" talk about dating or being married to people who have children from a previous marriage. In two instances recently these "adults" have complained about their significant other's children. This is very difficult for me because I know what it is like to be that child.

My father got remarried immediately after my parent's divorce. Throughout the years I did and did not get along with my stepmother and I'm sure that some of the complaints my friends have about their significant other's children are complaints she could have had about me.

So let me offer you some perspective. First and foremost (if you are in this position): YOU ARE THE ADULT. However complicated this child makes your life. However much you may think this person is being a tiny jerk, you have the responsibility to act like an adult about it. It is hard to work through your emotions when you are a child. It is hard to have divorced parents. That tiny jerk is going through a lot. It makes your relationship with that child's parent hard? So what? That's what you signed up for when you started dating someone with kids. You are the adult. So act like one.

One of my friends complained that her boyfriend's 16 year old daughter blames her for her parent's divorce. Another person, who was part of this conversation, said that perhaps the girl's mother encouraged this belief. Why even go down that road? You know what? She probably does blame you. And let me tell you why. Her life has been turned upside down. She wants to blame someone. The two people who are to blame are her parents. She loves them. She doesn't want to blame them. So she blames you. Be an adult and get over it.

This doesn't mean the kid gets to call all the shots. It doesn't mean the parent shouldn't try to work with the child on being more pleasant. It just means that you need to be patient, respectful, and loving. You're an adult. I promise you can do it.

You know that whole golden rule about treat others as you want to be treated? Well, treat other people's kids the way you want your kids to be treated. If adults in these situations thought like that for even one second, I doubt they would be able to be so harsh.