Insanity

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein

I spend a lot of time nursing Virginia in front of my computer. I can use the computer with one hand. Virginia doesn't seem to care much what I am doing as long as she is still getting food. But sometimes, she will finish up and I will be in the middle of something and I will think, "she can hold on for a minute." I hold her in a pretty comfortable position and she isn't unhappy. But inevitably she spits up on me. It runs down my shirt, her shirt, the boppy pillow, my pants. This happens about once a day.

And yet the next day, she finishes eating and I think, "she can hold on for a minute..."

Jogging

I tried jogging at the park today. I jogged a few times with the stroller when it was still cold outside, but soon decided it was too much of an ordeal to put on workout clothes, run, come home, shower and change. I've been going to the park regularly for a while now and just walking. On a recent trip I really had the urge to run, so I thought I'd give it another try.

It went pretty well, despite the heat. Virginia slept almost the whole time. I managed to jog for about a solid mile, then I alternated jogging and walking for the remander of my 2.5 mile route. I decided to jog the curves and run the straight parts since I have to lock the front wheel to jog. When the stroller is moving at a good clip the front wheel jiggles if it isn't locked. However, if the wheel is locked and I'm going slowly I can't make turns. Jogging just the turns prevented my having to keep locking and unlocking the wheel.

Getting Noticed

I went back to my new workplace last week to start getting oriented. While I was there, one of the librarians who hired me mentioned how my name is very similar to the name of a girl her son went to school with. She did a double take when looking at my application. This came up very naturally as we were discussing common and uncommon names.

But, it got me thinking. I was having a very tough time getting interviews. I wonder if her thinking I was someone else for a split second is what got me noticed. I wonder if that's what made them look at my application long enough to interview me.

From there it was all me. I am confident that I earned the job on my own merit. But it is eery to think I might have been noticed by pure chance.

Jester

Virginia got a jester hat at the festival yesterday.

Since the jester is the only one who can criticize the king, I think all children are jesters of sorts. Parenting advice is often unwelcome from outside parties, but it is hard to ignore what your children tell you about your parenting. I don't mean when they say, "I don't think I should be grounded." I mean when they repeat a bad word you said or smack their friend on the hand for taking a toy from them just like you smacked their hand for taking an extra cookie.

Here's to hoping I always accept Virginia's criticism.

Renaissance Festival

Yesterday we went to the Renaissance Festival with some friends. Virginia wore the outfit she just got from Libby in Norwich. I thought the white shirt would do a good job of keeping the sun off her skin without making her too hot.

Isn't she cute?

John and I took turns wearing Virginia in our baby carriers. I had her in the Ergo Baby, which worked well for snacking and napping. John used the Baby Bjorn when Virginia wanted to face out and see the world.

Her favorite things were the parrots (one was the same age as her and could already say "hello") and the musicians in the tavern.

John's favorite things were archery:

And fencing (with John Miller):

Sleeping

Although Virginia is overall a good sleeper (at night), helping her sleep has been very much on my mind pretty much since she was born. My midwife lent me a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and I dutifully read it during late night feedings in those early days. Thing is, this book strongly advocates co-sleeping and I was terrified of sleeping with Virginia in the bed. I was also terrified of not sleeping with her because I thought if I couldn't hear her breathing she might stop. (Being a new mom is scary. I'm pretty sure these feelings are normal.)

Anyway, several chapters in I realized the book was messing with my already frayed emotions by making me feel guilty for not doing something I both wanted and didn't want to do. I stopped reading it and returned it to the midwife without comment.

Virginia spent her second night in bed with me last night. I now know more about co-sleeping than I did when she was born and have created a sleeping environment for her I am comfortable with. And I do acknowledge that we get more sleep next to each other than apart when she is having trouble sleeping. However, Virginia fell asleep during her first feeding of the day this morning. This never happens and makes me suspect she was not as well rested as when she sleeps by herself.

I will continue to be there for her and do what I can so that she gets as much sleep as she can. I now feel that helping her to sleep on her own is a part of that. I plan to continue putting her to bed in her crib and moving her to my bed if she is really can't sleep there.

Peace

I know that I am entitled to no sympathy when I complain that my baby isn't sleeping through the night anymore. Many many new parents have five month olds who haven't slept through the night yet. Never the less, I got used to sleeping and coping with not sleeping now is hard. For what it's worth, I am getting less sleep than I did when Virginia was waking up to eat. Then at least she went back to sleep after I fed her and stayed asleep for a couple of hours. Now she is waking up in pain. I think it's her teeth. Feeding her solves the problem for about twenty minutes.

Last night I was having a particularly rough time and John offered to take her. He went into another room and held and shushed her. I could hear the shushing and at first thought, "I won't be able to sleep." I can be very sensitive to noises, especially when I am agitated. But then I thought about how it was a soothing noise. It was like the shushing wasn't just for Virginia, but also for me. I felt so calm and well cared for. I spend a whole lot of time caring for Virginia, it was amazing to have John take care of me.

After an hour he laid Virginia back in her crib and she started fussing within a matter of minutes. This time I was able to bring her into bed with me and calm her. She still cried out every time she woke up the rest of the night, but I was right there to make her feel better and we both got some sleep.

Summer Risotto

When we lived in Norwich one of my favorite new dishes was squash risotto. I liked it so much that I made my own version a few times this past winter. But I havent made it recently because it really seems like a winter dish.

Then I was reading Yoga Journal yesterday and an article about using fresh herbs mentioned summer risotto. I thought, "Why not?" I made my own recipe from things that seemed summery and delicious.

First I fried a purple onion and sun dried tomatoes in a pan. I put in various seasonings (alas, not fresh). Then I added risotto and chicken broth and continued adding water throughout until the risotto fluffed up nicely. At the end I threw in mashed avocado, sunflower seeds and shredded Italian cheeses.

I thought it turned out well. Starting the sun dried tomatoes so early gave the whole dish a tart and sweet taste. Risotto is for summer, too!

Librarian and Cook

Stole this picture from Mary. It's me reading to Virginia, Katy, Darsie, Liam, and Molly. I'll probably get a lot of milage out of this photo since it makes me look like a good librarian. Prepare to see it pasted all over my online identity.

And here is Virginia helping me cook. I had her facing out in the Moby wrap and decided an apron would keep us both a little cleaner.

Haum

Haum is a mantra asking for freedom from suffering. I interpret it not as asking for unpleasant things not to happen, but for help not suffering from unpleasant things. I like the break down of Haum here.

Sweet Virginia got her four month vaccines today. She couldn't get them at her four month visit because we were still covered by Medicaid at the time and the version of the vaccines Medicaid pays for wasn't available. I would have paid out of pocket, but apparently doctors can get in trouble for allowing Medicaid patients to pay. (Yes this is all a little messed up.) Now that we have our own insurance everything is much easier, we are just off our vaccine schedule a bit.

She got an injection in each leg, and one of the syringes contained multiple vaccines. First shot went in. She didn't cry. Next shot (the worse one). Still no tears, until the nurse pushed on the sore spot to apply the band aid. Even then, Virginia cried out and whined a little, but stopped quickly.

Perhaps it was just a fluke of temperament that kept her from crying. Maybe I put her diaper on too tight and she couldn't feel her legs. Or maybe, just maybe, she has begun to learn not to suffer.

I wish for Virginia:

• to embrace the whole of life
• to be free from suffering

My Wishes for Virginia

I saw another blog a few weeks ago in which a mother mentioned creating a list of her wishes for her daughter before she was born. This was meant to help the blogger know what kind of parent to be. I didn't do this with Virginia, but I see no reason not to start now. In fact, I'll probably come up with more as I go along. All will be tagged with "wishes."

I wish for Virginia:

• to have a healthy body image
• to be strong an independent
• to have faith that her parents will catch her if she falls
• to think for herself
• to believe she can do anything
• to be willing to try new things
• to value hard work
• to be compassionate to all creatures great and small
• to believe in the "impossible"

Mother's Day

I suppose I should write something profound and moving about my first Mother's Day, but mostly I spent the day just being a mother.

John surprised me with pearls. Yesterday I asked him to pick up a car adapter for my iPod and he was acting like that was my Mother's Day gift. But in fact he was waiting for today to surprise me. Such a sweetie!

We spent the day looking for a place to live since we will need to move closer to my new school. John wore Virginia both times we stopped to look in apartments. Virginia was very patient with us and, as always, was admired by all.

Happenings

We have had a busy week. Virginia met her cousins for the first time. Katy, Darsie, and Liam all got to hold her at least once. Molly shared her play mat with Virginia and the babies tasted each other's hands to see if they were just as good as their own. Virginia took some awesome afternoon naps while watching movies. I'll have to see if I can replicate this without having to watch a movie every day. Mary took lots of pictures, so perhaps I'll steal some in coming days.

In other news, I got the call on Monday that I have been chosen as the new librarian for a really awesome private school. I am very excited that I will once again be employed doing something I love. This will also be a great thing for our family as we can move into our own home and the pressure is off John to be the sole breadwinner. Things are shaping up!

Pepe

I realized while watching this...

...that with the placement of Virginia's tooth she will look more like Pepe than Bucky Katt.