The Truth About Being a Working Mom

I never saw myself as a stay-at-home mom. I always had career aspirations and I spent a lot of money on my education with the presumption that it would pay off with my being employable.

When I had Virginia, I stayed home with her for eight months. Not just because I wanted to, but because I was unemployed. And when I got a job, I went back to work. I am glad, now, that I had that time with Virginia, because by the time I had to put her in day care, she was ready to play with other babies, so I thought maybe she was having fun.

I do like working. My job is intellectually stimulating and I am good at it. One of the hardest things about being a new mother was feeling like I was probably doing something wrong 90% of the time. But at work, my estimation of my own success is considerably higher. It is really nice to feel like a success. My job is also fun and even includes warm fuzzies. I have fourth grade students stop me in the halls to talk about books. How awesome is that?

My job is also good for my family. I have a retirement plan and solid benefits that mean we get the medical care we need at a price that doesn't cripple us. Hubs is starting his own law practice and we are going to survive the start-up period because I have a steady income.

I have been pretty okay with having Virginia in day care. After all, I get school holidays off, so I do see her more than most working moms see their children. And she is getting socialized and she goes outside twice a day and makes crafts and is mostly happy.

But now that she is two, she has more opinions than she used to and she is pretty good at expressing them. It is her opinion that she doesn't want to get out of bed at 6:30 in the morning. It is her opinion that she certainly doesn't want to change out of her warm pajamas at 6:30 in the morning. It is her opinion that practically everything Momma does to her between 6:30 and 7:00 in the morning to get her out the door is torture. It is also her opinion that anything Momma needs to do in the afternoon, like make dinner, do laundry, or - god forbid - exercise, sucks.

Now, I'm not going to let a two-year-old run my life, but she kind of has a point. Most of the time I have to spend with her on an average day, I spend making her do stuff she doesn't want to do or not giving her my full attention. And it does suck. She is mad at me a lot because, as far as she can tell, I am always no fun. It is breaking my heart.

Maybe I'm just emotional because I'm having another baby soon with whom I won't get to spend eight solid months. My plan is to have just four months off, and that is taking advantage of summer vacation. But I suspect it isn't just hormones. I suspect that being a good momma who works is even harder than being a good momma who stays at home.


A happy moment with Virginia, decorating for Christmas.

(Please no comments about how Virginia is "just being two." On weekends and days off when I can really spend time with her, our relationship is better and everyone is happier. I'm not saying every moment is blissful, but the "two-year-old" moments are easier to weather.)