Barely There

It is "fitting," I suppose, that I am attempting to purchase a "Barely There" bra, since that is a perfect description of my breasts.

But maybe "fitting" isn't the best word because the bra...didn't. Even though it was an extra small and was a style that was supposed to accommodate those of us who have hard-to-pinpoint sizes. There was still room in the cups. Is there a bra manufacturer called "Why Bother?"

"Why bother?" has more and more often become my motto when it comes to top-half undergarments. I don't even wear a sports bra while running anymore. There isn't enough there to bounce.

The only reason for me to wear a bra is that sometimes the right bra can give the illusion of my actually having breasts. And since many women's shirts and dresses are shaped for chest curves, a little padding helps my clothes look like they fit me.

I already have a bra by Barely There (by the way, I'm sure the name is supposed to refer to the bra's comfort, not it's size) that I like quite a lot. It is kind of like a sports bra, but it has thinner straps and is lightly padded. It is soft, has no hooks, and because it stretches, it fits me just fine (even though I am not a real bra size). The only problem with the bra is that it comes up pretty high in the middle, so I can't wear it with many of my shirts and dresses. I was just looking for a bra that was similar, but cut lower. It was actually my fault that I accidentally got one without padding. No padding definitely falls into the "why bother?" category. I can look boobless without wearing a bra, thankyouverymuch!

I'll give Barely There one more chance with another style that I triple-checked does have padding. For those times when I feel like dressing up and looking good in my dress clothes.

I know what you are thinking. "SB, didn't you used to have breasts? Not, like, big ones. But bra-worthy, at least?"

The answer is, yes, I did. Though I was a late bloomer, my breasts did eventually come in like every other girls'. They have shifted in size over the years between A and optimistic B, depending not as much on my weight, as the hormones coursing through my veins. Birth control pills made them a little bigger. During pregnancy I could actually achieve cleavage. And during the early weeks of breastfeeding they were HUGE. Okay, not huge, but they looked that way to me.

As my children weaned, the breasts got smaller. I got pregnant with Horatio before Virginia stopped nursing. So this is the first time I've actually seen what my post-pregnancy, post-nursing boobs look like. They're "barely there."

Now, once again, I know what you're thinking! "SB, pregnancy and breastfeeding didn't really shrink your breasts. They got stretched out from getting bigger and then smaller again."

Um, no. If my breasts had their pre-pregnancy volume in a larger container, I would still be able to hoist them up in a good bra and have them look more or less normal while they were restrained. There is nothing there to hoist.

Pregnancy and breastfeeding have changed my breasts in other ways. They are a different shape, which I actually prefer. Before they were kind of pointy and cone-shaped. Now they are rounder and look more womanly.

Also, and this I'm not as fond of, my nipples are always out. They fold, but they don't go down.

I'm hoping this all comes across as humorously self-deprecating. I have spent some time, in my life, lamenting my small breasts. But now, even though they are smaller than ever, my biggest gripe is the poor fit of my clothes. And that is more of an inconvenience than anything else.

I love my body. I'm just trying to figure out how to wear it.