When Parents Try to be "Spontaneous"

Saturday morning. After breakfast.

John: [whispering] Come in the bedroom with me.

Me: [to the kids] Hey, guys? Um, I'm going to help daddy...get ready for his shower. You guys get dressed and then go downstairs and play.

Bedroom door closed and locked.

Virginia: [outside the door] Momma? Daddy? ... Momma-Daddy!

Me: Please go down stairs.

Virginia: I have to tell you something.

Me: Tell me in a few minutes.

Virginia: It's just one sentence.

Me: Fine. Say it through the door.

Virginia: Horatio put his shirt on upside down.

Me: Okay. I'll help him in a few minutes. Please go downstairs and play.

Playing noises. Right outside the bedroom door.

Horatio: [car rolling noise] Vroom! Vroom! Ah![crying] So'tes scatch me. He scatch me with his mowf. [crying]

Me: [whispering] You think Socrates bit him?

John: [whispering] No. I'm sure he's fine.
[louder] You're okay, dude.

Horatio: [more crying]

Footsteps down, then back up the steps. Xylophone music. Right outside the door.

Virginia: [singing and playing the xylophone] Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony...

Horatio: [crying]

Virginia: [singing and playing the xylophone] Mr. Horatio went to town, riding on a Socrates...

Horatio: [crying]

Me: [whispering] Kind of hard to "get ready for a shower" with all this singing and crying right outside the door.

John: [whispering] You think?

Me:...

John: [whispering] Yeah.
[louder] Okay, Horatio, we're coming. Let's see your scratch.

Door opens.

(Note: There were no visible marks on Horatio. Apparently he had been rolling his cars into the cat and found out that cats don't like that game.)