An Introvert Parent

I identify as an introvert although the reality may be somewhere closer to the middle of the spectrum. Nevertheless, the things that get to me, as an introvert, really get to me. I hate small talk but love deep conversation. I need to have time alone to recharge. Socializing can be exhausting for me.

Virginia seems to be an extrovert (jury is still out on Horatio - but starting to suspect introvert), which sometimes drags me into situations that are uncomfortable for me. Like when she talks to random people we meet in public and I'm forced into an awkward conversation.

But I'm realizing that having children, no mater what their 'version, leads to special challenges for the introvert parent.

Even when my children don't strike up a conversation with strangers, I'm in more situations now requiring small talk: birthday parties, day care pick up and drop off, any place we play where there are other children and their parents.

And then there is the general noise of children.

I learned from reading Quiet a couple summers ago that the true difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts are drained by socialization, whereas extroverts are energized by it. This may be an oversimplification, but it is the general idea.

Introverts can easily become overstimulated. So, at the end of the day, when I've been pleasant to my coworkers and students for over 8 hours, and I'm making dinner, and my kids are banging things, twirling around my feet, and giggling-singing-yelling and I start to think I'm going to lose my mind. It isn't my imagination. I've literally had too much and have no more energy left for interacting with people.

I deal with this by taking some time for myself. Sometimes I have time to run by myself (although I often exercise with little helpers). But even if the kids are with me (in the jogging stroller) we can't talk too much and Horatio doesn't pull Virginia's hair the whole time, so I can still kind of be quiet. I've been trying to meditate every day and I find this to be a very efficient way to rest my mind. Television and Internet are fun distractions, but they are still stimulating and so not actually that restful. I can get a big recharge from meditation.

I also now realize what is happening during those moments that are the most difficult for me. I know that the kids aren't being "bad." But for my own sanity I will need to find a way to get them to be quieter or get a little space from them.

Now as I keep hearing about how differently Horatio behaves at day care from at home, I've started wondering if his "even disposition" (yeah, right - the child turns over chairs for fun!) is an expression of introversion. I hope I can help him be true to himself, too.

Maybe John can teach Virginia how to be a good extrovert. (He's a social lightening rod. Very handy at parties.)