Fortunately she isn't as bad off as many children with torticollis. She has a pretty good range of motion with more resistance than actual inability to turn. The skin of her neck has never gotten dry or cracked and her head is not misshapen.
About a month ago Virginia was doing really great. She was needing fewer appointments and was hardly tight at all. Most of what little head tilt she had left was from habit.
But in her last two appointments her therapist has said she is worse. Very tight. This is probably due to a growth spurt and, more recently, her increased mobility. She is constantly using one side more than the other, building muscle unevenly.
I hate this so much. It was really hard when her pediatrician first mentioned she might have torticollis, because even though there are worse things, I felt like my perfect baby was broken. Then, when she was improving I felt like, at least I was fixing it. (I have to help her stretch and exercise between appointments.) But now I feel like a failure. I feel like my baby is broken all over again and it's my fault.
They did kind of warn me this could happen. They said they like to see babies throughout the first year because they tend to regress every time they develop a new skill. I just want this to be over. I want her to be fixed.
And now that I'm thinking again about how this happened before she was even born I've started worrying about her future sibling(s?). Maybe I'm broken. Maybe there isn't enough room in there. If I didn't have Ina May in the back of my head whispering, "Your body is not a lemon" I'd probably be convinced of my flaws instead of merely insecure.
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